Noah and Beckom

January 7, 2015

Noah Jude Benson
Once I lost Jude, I knew that if we ever had a little boy I wanted to name him Noah.  Yes, every other baby boy in the world is named Noah and I never loved the name before, but by using the name Noah, I'm able to talk about my faith in God and redemption and I'm able to talk about how he is my rainbow baby-which allows me to mention Jude and Brinly in a non-depressing way.  Naturally, we loved the name Jude and since Jude is his big brother, the middle name was easy.

Beckom Samuel Benson
We originally were going to name him Jace Beckette Benson.  (Beckette trying to come up with a girl version of Becky).  I eventually asked Becky which middle name she preferred to honor her Beck or Beckette.  She came up with the middle name of Beckom because it's a combo of her name BECKY and her husband TOM.  She said she could never have done this journey without Tom.  Darren and I loved the combo name so much we decided to make it his first name!! As it's important for me (if people ask how we came up with the names, to talk about Christ and our other children, it's also really cool for me and important for me to talk about the surrogacy journey.  People LOVE hearing how we came up with Beckom's name).  Samuel is Darren's middle name, was Jude's middle name, and his dad and grandpa's middle name.  In the Bible Hannah struggled with infertility and eventually had her ever-so-longed-for son: Samuel.  It fits.

Life with Noah and Beckom has been both fun and challenging while all the while incredibly healing.  I get to hold Jude and Brinly's little brothers every day.  I can't stop telling them I love them.  I can't stop thanking God they are alive.  I'm an official stay at home mom for 3 months (I go back to work February 13). 

There have been some very sweet gifts given to us through their birth.  Obviously the gift of surrogacy.  Along with that a highly skilled photographer felt like God was asking her to give us a free newborn photo session.  4  women, my childhood friend Kayla, my sister, Becky, and Pamela, one of my sister's best friends, have all dontated ounces and ounces of breastmilk to me.  Kayla, who I hadn't talk to in years also randomly said she felt like God was asking her to do this (Thanks guys and thank you Jesus!!).  Breastmilk can sell for $4 an oz and most of these women have babies of their own.  HUGE gift. 

Here are some of our picture from our session with Lindsay at http://livejoyphotography.com/.  If you live in Salem/Portland area, check this baby whisperer out!!

Our Surrogacy Journey Part 1

November 16, 2014

Our Surrogacy Story Part 1

After losing J and B I have never trusted a positive pregnancy test since.  I am too guarded and to scarred from the stillbirths.  This exact day 1 year ago I found out I would deliver Jude and that he would die.

An amazing, selfless friend stepped forward in our deepest grief and offered to carry some of our left over frozen embryos from Jude and Brinly's cycle.  She asked for nothing in return and hasn't complained once (more on her in upcoming posts, this woman is a saint).  Becky has given me a hope I never thought I would have again and has literally saved me from dying of pain for not having live children.  We transferred two.  Both stuck.  Twin boys. 

I have used this blog to mourn Jude and Brinly while hoping, praying, and trying to remain positive with a surrogacy pregnancy.

I was overwhelmed with joy to have the chance to have twins again but also extra scared knowing the risks.  We kept this entire thing a secret from even our own families till she was 24 weeks along-minimum viability.  We couldn't bare the thought of dragging them through the horrors of the slow week to week to make it to a chance of survival and keeping it a secret helped me cope too.

As posted earlier, we took family to Multnomah Falls for Jude and Brinly's memorial service.  My entire family on both sides cried as we said our final goodbye's too Jude and Darren and I spread the ashes.

We then told our family we wanted a family picture at the base of the falls (our surrogate Becky, her husband Tom, and daughter-all strangers to our family-where at the base of the falls).

We got up there and everyone got in front of the falls and we asked a "stranger" (gestational carrier's husband and daughter) to take a picture.  They were really filming.  They counted to 3 and Becky, our surrogate, walked into the picture.  Our families were confused by the stranger so I eventually turn around, touch her stomach, and say "this is our surrogate Becky."   Here is there reaction in the video.  I cannot express how much this woman and her family have changed our lives.

 (if video is not displaying type in: surrogate surprise reveal on youtube to view <3

I will continue to tell our story in my next few posts.  Thank you to all the followers for the love, prayers, encouragement, support, mourning with us and rejoicing with us.