November 16, 2013
Everything was good till Thursday night. I started getting contractions and checked back into hospital. My white blood cell count has go to a high level indicating infection. I had to have an aminosentis (they took some of Jude's water) and a catheter shoved up to detect the infection.
Unless there is a miracle, I will be forced to deliver Jude today or tomorrow via an epidural or d and e.
The only thing we can ask for is prayer for peace and acceptance and healing for the cruel aftermath of grief that will follow.
11 failed IUIs, IVF #1- miscarriage, FET #1-nada, IVF #2-triplets but we lost them all at 9, 18, and 21 weeks in 2013. When all hope was lost a friend stepped forward to be our gestational carrier and carried in our twins... 2 years later we decided to try for one more baby with me carrying again...this is our story
So many prayers are being said!! I am so sorry you are going through all of this! I wish there were more words to say----
ReplyDeleteI am praying.
Hugs.
Praying for you all!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this.. I am still praying for a miracle for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Holly! This is the absolute last thing I wanted to hear! I am so, so, so incredibly sorry! This is a cruel world, my friend! Praying for a miracle and for your heart! Sending hugs from thousands of miles away!
ReplyDeletePraying for you three every minute.
ReplyDeleteHugs for you. Lots of prayers being sent up for you and Jude
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you. I am praying for you RIGHT now.
ReplyDeleteI am sitting here bawling my eyes out for you. I'm so sorry. There is nothing to say except that I'm praying.
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no. I just can't believe this. Praying for your miracle. Please God, save Jude and watch over Holly and her husband.
ReplyDeleteLord I pray you will just embrace this family with your love, comfort and understanding right now. We don't always understand and know why things happen but we need to trust in you through times of joy amd times of hardship. I pray you will hold Holly close to you. Give her husband the ability to feel sorrow but also the ability to be strong for his wife. I pray Lord for a protective shield over Holly and Baby Jude. That this infection will be cleared and she will continue to hold baby Jude in her body for week and weeks to come. We hear of you making the blind see, the deaf hear. I pray for a blessing of a miracle apon Holly and Jude.
ReplyDelete-Amen
My heart is breaking for you, I will continue to pray. (Hugs)
Amen!
DeleteI haven't commented before, but have been praying for you and your family. You are going through Hell on earth right now. Be assured, Jesus is walking with you. I'm so unutterably sorry. Praying for a miracle and peace.
ReplyDeleteI have goosebumps. From one grieving Mother to another, sending lots of prayers and love your way!
ReplyDeleteOh Holly. I have the biggest lump in my throat right now. I wish I could make this all better for you and baby Jude. My heart goes it to you & Darren. This is not fair and oh so sad. Sending all the love I can find and the tightest biggest squeezes ever. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm beyond crushed for you. I've been there. I've made that decision with my remaining twins of a triplet pregnancy. I'm so sorry. So many of the things that happened to you, happened to me too. It's one long unending nightmare. If the worst happens - and I'm so praying for a miracle for you - but if it happens and you want advice from someone who has walked thru this almost 2 years ago - I recommend delivering him, holding him, and calling Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep for pictures. I cherish my pictures and my memories of holding them. It's what keeps me going on the days when it feels like everyone has forgotten about them but me. They are my most priceless treasures now. I'm praying for miracles, strength and peace for all of you in the days ahead. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOh Holly, I am so sorry. I am praying for that miracle. I am also praying for peace for your family.
ReplyDeleteNo words. Just prayers and internet hugs. :'-(
ReplyDeleteI too went through this this 5 yrs ago. I was pg with a single baby and delivered at 21 wks. My heart is aching for you. Life is not fair....I always ask god "why us?" We also did ivf with one fresh and 3 frozen cycles. I agree with the other comment to deliver your baby, hold him and take lots of pictures. I cherish them and get them out when I'm having a bad day. My daughter now asks me who baby Jack is and I tell her he's our baby angel! Sending prayers...may God give you the strength to get through this.
ReplyDeleteHolding on to hope for you. Wishing you and your family strength
ReplyDeleteI haven't stopped praying for you. May you feel God's presence during this time.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteOh Holly...praying praying praying.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words that could possibly make this easier. Please know that countless strangers from all over the world are praying for you, sending you positive vibes, and thinking of you, Jude, your husband, and your angel Brinly. May your peace and comfort come quickly after this terrible storm.
ReplyDeleteOh no no no. No one should ever experience this kind of pain. I am giving you all my prayers, Please lord we are all asking for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteOh no. Praying.
ReplyDeletePraying.
ReplyDeletePraying for a miracle. xo friend
ReplyDeletePraying for Baby Jude and you and Darren!
ReplyDeletePraying for you all.
ReplyDeletePraying for a miracle for you all.
ReplyDelete"When you see one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Holly, I wish I had the words to comfort you. Just know we're praying that Jesus doesn't leave your side and that you know He's walking with you. Prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying.. so hard
ReplyDeletePraying for your family...
ReplyDeletePraying Holly
ReplyDeletePraying for your Jude. Praying for you. Praying for Darren. Holly, in the midst of your despair, try and grasp onto the love that is surrounding you. Let it be your lifeline.
ReplyDeleteGod bless your three sweet triplets.
There are no words that could possibly bring you comfort right now, but I did want to let you know that you're being thought about and prayed for. God bless your family. Praying for a miracle!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a mom. You will not stop believing for a miracle. I will believe for a miracle until the very last moment.
ReplyDeleteI am so devastated and heartbroken reading this, I am on my hands & knees pleading for a miracle. I would do anything in my power to take all of your pain from you. Praying for you and your husband, and especially Jude. You are heavy on so many hearts tonight, please know you are so loved.
ReplyDeleteHolly I am praying so, so hard for your family and baby Jude.
ReplyDeleteThis *probably* will not help because it is a longterm, not a short term safeguard against infection, but have you been supplementing with Vitamin D (4000+ IU/day)? Have your levels ever been tested? If you have never done either, chances are that you are extremely deficient, given that you have a multiples pregnancy. If have never taken it before, take a megadose of Vitamin D now: it is required by your immune cells to produce this anti-microbial peptide called cathelicidin, which is a powerful first line of defense against infections.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what benefit this will provide at this very late point, but it is easy to do and will not hurt.
Other than this, all I can offer is prayer.
That is so heartbreaking. PRAYING for you. Vanessa xx
ReplyDeleteI know there is really nothing that can be said. But I am praying and crying for your family...
ReplyDeleteOh, Holly. I am devastated right now. I am praying so hard for you, Darren and baby Jude. No words can take away the pain, but know that you are all being lifted up to God by so many people.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, i am so sorry you are going through all of this. It takes incredible strength to go through the nightmare that you are living.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alyssa Renner. If the worst happens contact NILMDTS and get lots of pictures. Hold him, read to him, sing to him. Do as much as you can with him. If they have little clothes for him, then dress him. Kiss him. You will cherish those moments with him. I am so sorry for your loss(es). Nothing can take that pain away. But i promise you, from one loss mom to another, it gets easier. The pain doesn't go away, but you get used to it. You learn to live with it. And you will smile again, and you'll pray again. I can't tell you when that will happen for you, but it will.
But for now, i'm praying for a miracle for you & Darren. And praying little Jude makes it!
Holly, I am so sorry for you. I read your blog every day and keep hoping for you and Jude. Nothing will ever change the nightmare you are going through or take away the pain. Cry when you want to. That's all the advice I can give right now. Praying!
ReplyDeleteHolly, my heart hurts for you and Darren. Received several texts from your Aunt Tamela at 6:00 this morning. I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. What an awful thing for you to go through. Jude and Brinley are both in Jesus' arms now. You will see them again. Continued prayers for healing physically for you, as well as emotionally for you and your family. Hard to see it now, but God always has a plan. Keep friends and family close especially during your time of grieving.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for peace and strength as you go through all of this.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words.. praying <3
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for this pain and loss...
ReplyDeleteI prayed for you last night with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry Holly.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Holly. Please know I am praying for you. Let me know if there is anything at all I can do, even though I know nothing helps.
ReplyDeleteHolly, I have only commented a time or two in the past but always keep a close eye on your blog. I am just so very sorry. I pray that the Lord wrap His arms around you just when you feel like he is nowhere to be found. You are in my prayers every night.
ReplyDeleteYou are being prayed for in Katy, Texas. I'm so so so sorry for your unimaginable loss.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words. I will just simply say that I am sending you so much love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh Holly, I am so sorry. Praying, praying for you and your husband and baby.
ReplyDeleteJan Danielson
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Just want you to know you have one more person praying for you and thinking of you during this difficult time. You have so much love and support here waiting for you always.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for a miracle. My thoughts are with your baby boy.
ReplyDeleteYou have complete strangers that are praying over you and sweet Jude. I've had two miscarriages and lost my son at 27 weeks...you're fight inspired me and now my heart is breaking for your family. There are no words...praying for peace. Your sweet babies will forever be a part of your family!
ReplyDeletePrayer is the most powerful tool we possess. On my knees in prayer for you.
ReplyDeleteOh no. I will be thinking of and praying for you and Jude.
ReplyDeletePraying so incredibly hard for you and your family tonight! The prayers will continue throughout the week!
ReplyDeleteThere truly are no words... All We can do is continue to show you and Darren our love and support. You're continued strength is inspiring on so many levels... I will say this though, I know when my friends and even strangers tell me how strong I am for all that I am going through I want to scream.... Sometimes I don't want to be strong... I want to be weak, sad, mad, shut out the world for a day if I feel like, and just not have to be strong!!! So, and I am sure that you are... Take time to just simply "be"... Feel what you need to feel and cry as much as you need to... You deserve a break from being strong! My mom and I cried together reading this last update and like many others following your story, we do not know you, but we love you from the bottom of our hearts and think of you and pray for you everyday!
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