8 Weeks Not-Pregnant

January 9, 2013

I think I may have ovulated around December 21st (I threw OPKs out the window last month due to the miscarriage and all the HCG hormones), which means my period should be starting around now.  I'm pretty sure it is, but it's taking it's time.

This is the first time in about 1.5 years that I'm actually happy to see mother f-ing dear Aunt Flow (I hate that term).  It means I can get to my FET (frozen embryo transfer))sooner! I assumed I would have to take Provera to induce it, meaning another 10 days.  I also assumed that once I got my period, I would be about 3 weeks away from TRANSFER DAY!!! Enter burst bubble:

I emailed my RE yesterday asking what my "protocol" was.  He emailed me back saying "Schedule an appointment with me."  This was somewhat upsetting because I had an appointment with him 2.5 weeks ago.  I called the nurse (I figured he was confused) and he was.  She laughed and said (I SWEAR to heave this is exact quotes), " Dr. Patton is a 'ding-dong." She went on to say that he has been on vacation, maybe had too much wine, and has been spacey.  The place I'm going is often ranked top 10 IVF clinics in the nation and they are telling me my doctor is a "ding-dong?" A bit unnerving but whatev.

So anyway, I ask, "can you tell me protocol."  This was the shocking reply

1.  Wait till my period comes (should be here soon, but who knows, my body is whacked)

2.  Start birth control for 2 weeks on cycle day 3.

3.  Take Lupron injections for a full MONTH (to suppress ovaries)

4.  Take some type of oral estrogen (another 10 days)

5.  Then, start those nasty huge progesterone in oil needles (by the way, my booty still hurts when I run from those guys).

6.  Come in for transfer. 

After reading what seemed like the longest list ever she said, that's your 7 week protocol.  Doing the math, I added another 10 days till I know if it worked.  There you have it.  8 weeks not-pregnant.  My heart sank.  I had just convinced myself it would be like a 2 week protocol, but in reality, its longer than normal IVF protocol. 

I can't complain. Praise God I have this opportunity.  Praise God that I actually have frozen embryos. I'm happy I don't have to do egg retrieval.  I'm happy we could get a loan for this. But 7 weeks feels like a prison sentence.  Ok fine, I'm complaining, but I'm being honest.  It seems so far.

My body WANTS to be pregnant. I can feel it. My mind and heart actually miss the little embryos sitting in that dumb freezer. My womb is empty and wants to be full. 

I know God's timing is perfect, but March seems so far.  I have been on such a crazy cycle of, "it didn't work, let's try next cycle, it didn't work, lets try next cycle" that to have to sit here and wait 4 months from first IVF transfer is killing me.  I can't do anything about it but eat my pre-natal gummies.  Come on March.