Peace OUT Progesterone in Oil

September 10, 2013

Although I always knew deep down getting pregnant would be a long and hard journey, we did have our "hopeful" "unprotect sex for the first time ever" thrill when I got off the bcp in early 2010.  By that summer, the thrill was long gone and I was all over getting Clomid.  Which lead to Femera. Which lead to IUI's with HCG injections which lead to IVF with 10593537 medications/shots.

For this last IVF cycle I started the bcp in late May.  Since then I have been taking oral pills or injections.  The dreaded PIO shot (the big one that goes in the booty) is always welcomed at first because it means that the end of the IVF treatment is near (I start it 2 days after transfer).  I stayed on it for a long time after the first IVF that lead to early miscarriage as a "just in case."  The 2nd IVF (frozen transfer) I just took it 9 days and stopped immediately when my HCG game back at 1.

Hypothetically, I have been on some kind of fertility med since 2010.  Obviously this last IVF cycle worked so far so although sometimes not fun, I was ordered to stay on the big PIO injections till 10 weeks, 6 days.  I hit that mark this last weekend and iced up my buns, pushed in the needle (I do it to myself, I know, I'm hardcore) and then had my husband rub the area with a heated pack for a few minutes to help the oil disperse. Then I realized.  I am done with fertility meds (for now).  (See LAST 2 inch PIO shot on right)

I still haven't fully accepted it all.  I think out of fear and out of loss and out of not quite being out of the 12 week zone.  I feel like I'm living in a dream.  I don't have to take fertility drugs?

100% truth I have woken up SO many times in the night and come into the kitchen (half asleep) panicking that I forgot to take something.  About 3 weeks ago I did this and Darren was still up watching tv.  I was in a sleep walking panic and even said "did you take your pill too?" (Darren doesn't take pills).  He asked me if I was awake. 

I don't know what the future holds.  I doubt this will be my eternal break from all the meds, especially if we ever want to conceive more children, but today I am so grateful to be done with pills and needles for the moment.  For all of you who are suffering from the hot flashes and headaches of ovulation meds, or the pain on daily injections as the world around us gets pregnant on accident or in a night of passion, remember that you are fighters/warriors.  Infertility makes you stronger than you EVER knew you could be.  Keep fighting.  It' hard because there is no guarantee but the risk is so worth it. 

  Lord I pray for the women who are fighting each month to have a baby via adoption, ART, or completely on their own.  I pray for hope.  I pray for courage.  I pray for the ability to keep fighting when everything seems against them.  I pray for protection on their hearts if someone close gets pregnant while THEY are going through painful side effects of infertility.  I pray that there will be light at the end of her tunnel sooner than later and that you direct all of us in your perfect will.  Answer our prayers. 

9 comments:

  1. I needed to read that prayer. Thank you. I am so happy for you guys that you are ending your injections. I know it won't truly seem real until you are holding your beautiful babies but this is such a big step. A big moment. I pray you feel peace. Congrats on the last shot!

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  2. Answer our prayers!! He sure does hear them! Thank you for the sweet prayer! So glad that you are done with the injections!

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  3. Thank you so much for the prayer! Be thankful for each milestone you reach and being off the PIOs is a huge one trust me!

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  4. Isn't that the BEST feeling?!?!?!?! So proud and happy and ecstatic and everything else for you!!!

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  5. Congratulations!!! I wish you guys a happy and healthy pregnancy!!!

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  6. Thank you for the prayer. We need it right now.

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  7. Thank you for the prayer. Much needed. I'm thrilled that you can stop those awful PIO shots! Things are going great, so excited for you!!

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  8. Hi... I have read probably hundreds of blogs and have floated in and out of fertility forums but not until reading your blog have I ever felt like posting! Most blogs I stumble upon are out dated and your story is happening right now! Our fertility situations are different but I related to so many of your analogies and just felt your words deep in my heart.
    I am 41, so I have that against me as well but the pain of wanting a child is the same no matter what age you struggle at. I just want to say thank you... For sharing your journey and being so open and for giving me hope! I too know that no matter what it is all up to God and when I pray I always tell him... Look I know this is all going to turn out according to your intended plan, but I am not going to stop asking! I struggle with letting go and letting God but your blog has really helped me! Very happy for you and Keeping you in my prayers.
    Thank you again... ;)

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    1. I'm so glad to hear that some of my posts are relatable. I'm sorry your dealing with this unfun thing. I love it! I totally love god but also struggle with letting go. I think it's totally ok to keep knocking knocking knocking until he opens another door (if that is his well). thanks :)

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