Peace OUT Progesterone in Oil

September 10, 2013

Although I always knew deep down getting pregnant would be a long and hard journey, we did have our "hopeful" "unprotect sex for the first time ever" thrill when I got off the bcp in early 2010.  By that summer, the thrill was long gone and I was all over getting Clomid.  Which lead to Femera. Which lead to IUI's with HCG injections which lead to IVF with 10593537 medications/shots.

For this last IVF cycle I started the bcp in late May.  Since then I have been taking oral pills or injections.  The dreaded PIO shot (the big one that goes in the booty) is always welcomed at first because it means that the end of the IVF treatment is near (I start it 2 days after transfer).  I stayed on it for a long time after the first IVF that lead to early miscarriage as a "just in case."  The 2nd IVF (frozen transfer) I just took it 9 days and stopped immediately when my HCG game back at 1.

Hypothetically, I have been on some kind of fertility med since 2010.  Obviously this last IVF cycle worked so far so although sometimes not fun, I was ordered to stay on the big PIO injections till 10 weeks, 6 days.  I hit that mark this last weekend and iced up my buns, pushed in the needle (I do it to myself, I know, I'm hardcore) and then had my husband rub the area with a heated pack for a few minutes to help the oil disperse. Then I realized.  I am done with fertility meds (for now).  (See LAST 2 inch PIO shot on right)

I still haven't fully accepted it all.  I think out of fear and out of loss and out of not quite being out of the 12 week zone.  I feel like I'm living in a dream.  I don't have to take fertility drugs?

100% truth I have woken up SO many times in the night and come into the kitchen (half asleep) panicking that I forgot to take something.  About 3 weeks ago I did this and Darren was still up watching tv.  I was in a sleep walking panic and even said "did you take your pill too?" (Darren doesn't take pills).  He asked me if I was awake. 

I don't know what the future holds.  I doubt this will be my eternal break from all the meds, especially if we ever want to conceive more children, but today I am so grateful to be done with pills and needles for the moment.  For all of you who are suffering from the hot flashes and headaches of ovulation meds, or the pain on daily injections as the world around us gets pregnant on accident or in a night of passion, remember that you are fighters/warriors.  Infertility makes you stronger than you EVER knew you could be.  Keep fighting.  It' hard because there is no guarantee but the risk is so worth it. 

  Lord I pray for the women who are fighting each month to have a baby via adoption, ART, or completely on their own.  I pray for hope.  I pray for courage.  I pray for the ability to keep fighting when everything seems against them.  I pray for protection on their hearts if someone close gets pregnant while THEY are going through painful side effects of infertility.  I pray that there will be light at the end of her tunnel sooner than later and that you direct all of us in your perfect will.  Answer our prayers.