Infertility Awareness Week??? and Life

April 25, 2013

So many thoughts for today's post.  A bit random too just to warn my sweet readers. 

1.  This is the official "Infertility Awareness Week."  I am so grateful that IF is started to get a voice.  1 in 8 couples experience some form of infertility and it's time to break the silence.  I know in Europe EVERYONE gets to do IVF through insurance if they have no other children.  The government requires it to be covered once.  How awesome is that?  I get that wanting more kids (when you already got some) can be tough but I find myself secretly rolling my eyes when I see women on IF forums heartbroken they can't have their 4th, 5th, 6th (or 19 and counting) child.  Anyways, I was on "stirrup queen's" blog and read a post about how for us women who suffer, Infertility Awareness is not a week.  It's every second, every day.  It's in our dreams.  I'm glad there is a week but this week to me feel like every day of my life for the last 2+ years.

2.  I also found this ribbon that they are trying to spread the word on.  The idea is when an infertile
women finally gets pregnant, to wear this ribbon.  It softens the blow a bit to other infertile women who may feel jealous.  It quietly tells the world that I have suffered, prayed for, and often feared my stomach would never grow.  I'm a warrior.  Keep fighting.  I LOVE this!  It's so hard for me to hear pregnancy announcements but on these blogs I am actually HAPPY for people who become pregnant because I know their stories, their tears, their fight.  Some day I will wear that ribbon.


3.  Long shot.  It's so funny because the little smile face filled me with hope even though we have major sperm issues.  When I started getting period symptoms on Monday, I knew this cycle wouldn't be our miracle.  Even though I knew it was a LOOOOOOOOOOONG shot (did I emphasize long?) I couldn't help but calculate I would find out on my husband's bday (tomorrow).  I couldn't help about dream about the power of the miracle and not having to do IVF in the summer.  I couldn't help but over analyze the drops of blood that happened ONCE on Monday as POSSIBLE implantation bleeding.  You all know the drill.  On Monday I hit a low again.  Depressed.  Sad.  And most of all scared.  What if this is it?  Darren reminded me that my only prayer/goal was to simply ovulate (to remember that femera does work).  So, tomorrow is CD 1 and one more round on our own before returning to (read in deep serious voice) "THE RE OFFICE."

4.  Life.  I hate how much this consumes my mind but I don't know how to stop it.  To completely "let it go" seems insane as I don't ovulate on my own and have to track medicines, temps, opks, etc.  I do (believe it or not) have a life outside of trying to create a life (lol).  Here's some highlights:

I am junior class advisor and I put the PROM together.  It was a big success with just under 500 kids.  Here's me with the fam the big night in Portland:














I have been babysitting my 6th month old nephew Ryker on Mondays and if I can work really hard I can get him to laugh.  It's freakishly heartwarming.  Here's my current fav pic of him playing in warm towels!

Lastly, here's where I'll be next week.  Can I just say a vacay/2nd honeymoon/get out of the groove to the Caribbean is probably a really really really good place to head to around May 5th?