Kicking a Dead Horse

December 20, 2012

So many sayings out there but tonight I am experiencing the "kicking of a dead horse."

I have been surprisingly well since the D&C 10 days ago.  I didn't even have to take any pain pills after the procedure.  I had one rough day (on Friday I had bad cramps and heavier tissue) but other than that smooth sailing.

I've hardly cried since the procedure and I keep telling myself it's all behind me.  I'm moving forward.

But then tonight happened.  I fed my sister's baby a bottle (he's 9 weeks old) and came home to work on projects.  My chest had been sore for almost the entire pregnancy and it recently stopped hurting.  However, yesterday they were sore again.

A few hours ago, I realized I'm producing milk.  I'm lactating.  If I squeeze my nipples, warm, white milk comes out.  Food for a baby that I will never feed.  A strange and painful reminder of what I thought I had possibly overcame.  A wave as sadness hit.  If this isn't kicking a dead horse, I don't know what is.

However, the other part of it made us laugh.  It's almost funny.  It's nuts.  I was only 8 weeks pregnant but Darren just figured since the baby is out, maybe my body thinks I gave birth?  WEIRD.  I was also happy to know that I CAN nurse down the road.  2 cousins that are blood related don't produce milk and I've always wondered if I will be able to (in comparison to infertility that's like the least of my concerns).  But, at least I know I will. 

So I sit here typing, with wet spots on my shirt letting life give me one more little kick.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?  :)

1 comment:

  1. I've heard people having miscarriages have all the after birth symptoms. :(
    Hang in there friend.


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